J'ai fini

Appreciate

I met my elderly neighbor today while walking down the street on my way to class. She asked me if I lived with "that nice young man Fielding," and if I went to school at OU. Then, I was told I could stop by anytime I like for an apple.

Really, I was expecting a Werther's butterscotch candy.

Recently Added

"What this generation needs is a score -
because we realize we can all get along but no one is willing to drop their arms.
For our forefathers have made reforms to civil rights and moral law,
but now that fewer are maligned, there's less pushing us over the line.
Oh, we really aint that far -
but somehow none of that matters anymore."

"...and cool kids.. they belong.. together."

Peter Bjorn and John @ The Granada

...and I don't care about the young folks...

Here it is. The final year (maybe). Classes start today at 10:00, but my day started at 6:30 practice. It won't be over until midnight, ugh.

Saw Andrew yesterday!

Greatest Fear

Losing someone.

A person's most valuable possession is life. We only live once; we must live so as not to sorely regret the months and years lived wastefully, not to be ashamed of the months and years lived wastefully, so that when we die we can say, "All my life and all my strength have been dedicated to the most noble goal in life, the struggle to liberate the human race."

To live is to face the storms and not to cower before them.

Dang Thuy Tram quoting Ostrovsky in her diary published as, 'Last Night I Dreamed of Peace.'

there is a hole and i tried to fill it up with money... money, money, money

The Swedish trio, Miike Snow, make energetic joy songs.

Lately --------> Yves Klein Blue, TV on the Radio, Band of Horses, No Doubt.

The relationship with my bike is really blossoming, which is helping me bond with more music. I have never been able to run with headphones in, but can't get myself to bike unless I do. There has been a lot more biking than running lately. To motivate myself to fix the ratio, I am going to pick up some new running shoes. The same style of running shoe has been on my feet for over 7 years. I can remember the Asics Gel-Cumulus 4, about to buy the 11th edition. My current pair (9th edition) are totally blown out. Anime Sana In Copore Sano!

what the fuck?

Since my last post I made it to Australia and back, and made my way through another four weeks of work at the clinic. Nothing eventful to write about except for some sick music at the Abercrombie Hotel. Purple Sneakers and the fellows at Boundary Sounds = my heart. One of the best nights of my life until somone ruined it.

Yves Klein Blue has an amazing sound that goes on and on and on.

My summer project: Darkroom. I am pretty much giving up on digital photography. I like to take pictures because of the feeling, in the stem of my brain, where I know I created something beautiful. I have only had that feeling with my 35mm. Anyone want to buy a DSLR?

BYE.

brother

It's been about three years under the same roof. We can still hang, but it won't be the same. Lay-ahs.

no explanation

I am struggling to describe how I feel right now. I am writing one of my finals, and for some reason I feel like I am blowing it (even though I am writing some GOLD right now).

Is there something that I am forgetting to do? Some huge project that I have procrastinated on so much, I actually pushed it out of my brain?

What I am feeling, for some reason, is guilt. It's like I have already failed.

My attempt to make myself feel better is to be realistic. I went through every class and figured my grade and what I need on the final. Easily I can get A's in some and B's in most. There is one good chance of a C.

I feel irrationally panicky. I cannot wait for grades to come out.

MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS

Revisions for my Research Proposal

Paper over the Oklahoma Ottawa
World Religions Chapter Reviews
Indigenous People Written Final (10-12 pgs)
Memorize 60 Artworks
A paper on "Doing Business in Australia"
A paper on "Aborigines in Australia" (know it like the back of my hand)
A massive Ethnic Relations test

PICTURE IS FROM MY 20TH BIRTHDAY. UH.... THERE WERE LOTS OF CANDLES
AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS (WHOEVER YOU ARE), IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

before night falls

Passing through the exploding streets,
since the pipes are ready to give out
passing around the buildings, we need to dodge,
since they are falling onto us,
between the hostile faces scrutinizing and sentencing us,
between the closed establishments,
closed markets,
closed movie theaters,
closed parks,
closed cafés.
Exhibiting already dusty signs (justifications) occasionally,
CLOSED FOR REFORMS,
CLOSED FOR REPARATION.
What kind of reparation?
When will this alleged reparation, alleged reform end?
When at least
will it begin?
Closed... closed... closed...
everything closed...
I arrive and open the innumerable locks, run up the improvised stairwell.
There she is waiting for me.
I discover her, remove the canvas and contemplate her dusty and cold
dimensions.
I get rid of the dust and caress her.
With the slightest brushes from my palms, I clean her back, her base, her
sides.
I feel desperate, happy, at her side, before her,
I run my hands over her keys, and rapidly, everything is set in motion.
The ta ta, the jingling, the music starts, little by little, already much
faster,
now, at the greatest velocity.
Walls, trees, streets,
cathedrals, faces and beaches,
cells, mini-cells,
giant cells,
starry night, naked
feet, pine groves, clouds
hundreds, thousands,
a million parrots
piano stools and a vine.
Everything shows up, everything arrives, everyone comes.
The walls expand, the ceiling disappears and, naturally, you float,
you float, float ripped apart, swept along,
elevated,
taken, transported, eternalized,
saved, for the sake of, and
for this miniscule and constant cadence,
for this music,
for this incessant jingling.

"The Parade Ends" Reinaldo Arenas
His life shakes me to the core. In his poem (about the Cuban revolution) I especially like, "Cerrado... Cerrado... Cerrado..., Todo Cerrado..." Javier Bardem does a pretty good interp, from the movie Before Night Falls.

jai ho

Last Friday I made it to Congregation Beth-Torah in Overland Park for their Simchat Shabbat service.  'Drew had spoken about his reformed congregation a little, but I had no idea how amazing one could be.  This was my first progressive religious experience.  Rabbi Levin talked to us for a few minutes after the service, and some of the douche-bags I was with asked some pretty inappropriate questions ("so... what purpose does a Jew have if they have no savior?"  Really?).  After distancing myself from him as much as possible, I talked to Hamburg's dad who I had spotted earlier.  

This is going to be another tough week, but I did pay for the rest of Australia.  That was really worrying me.

Peace and No Worries

I HAVE 9 FUCKING LIVES. SERIOUSLY.

addendum

I am sitting here, attempting to write my paper, and I am distracted. I can't help but think how great it would be if I were standing at the bottom of my driveway, playing with my Yak Bak and wearing my Starter jacket, waiting for the bus to arrive. I would hop on and me and Kyler would start chatting away, probably planning a trip to Worlds of Fun that would never happen (or some shit).

How great would it be? Being there again when the only worry in my world was if we were having chili with cinnamon roll or hamburgers for lunch. Ah, man fuck papers.

Youth and Young Manhood

Kamero 2.5-30mm/f2.8 lens mounted on a Minolta SRT 202

On a lark I grabbed some b/w film and shot a roll over the weekend. I can't say that I am entirely happy with my work (above), but I can tell it's improving. I stopped by Love Garden and bought a Kings of Leon CD. I think I like the newer Kings compared to older.

I was a bit of a shit head with the fam. Dad wanted me to go out for coffee with him this morning (5:45), but instead I laid on the couch. I also left my grandmas early.

Now I am writing two resarch critiques, eating body of Christ leftovers, and listening to hardcore country coming from the radio of one of the housing consumers. Skipping to Travis Tritt, ugh.

focus

Fireworks. Tokyo, Japan. 2008

things are in the air right now.

india.
rda.
e.l.c.
money.
l.a.

Tomorrow is the last day of group, but also all of my paperwork is due. I ordered my sister, Jesse, and the baby a book. I can't wait for it to arrive. If you want to see a real crock of shit, take a look at this little gem (sad face).

I was bored with the old banner, so I threw up another. It's of a young lady in Jiyugaoka waiting for the train to pass. I remember it being hot as fuck and I was excited to mess around with the exposure on my (then) new camera.

Too busy, so here is what I'm reading.

Unfriendly Fire: How the gay ban undermines the military and weakens America - Dr. Nathaniel Frank

Dr. Frank paints a pretty great picture of the reality of the gay ban in the US military, including a comprehensive history of heterosexist attitudes in the armed services.

Denying Aids - Seth Kalichman

The people Kalichman writes about are a threat to public health.